Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
dude. I can hear the air.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
