i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
