Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
