Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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