Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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