I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
