We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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