If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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