I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
