Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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