I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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