he shaved USA in his pubs
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
me + whiskey = a bad person
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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