ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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