Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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