I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
