Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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