Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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