End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
