Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
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entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
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Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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