did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
