Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
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So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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