i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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