I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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