i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
