In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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