rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
