worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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