I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
operation have a gay friend backfired
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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