Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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