bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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