Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
