I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
