I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
