Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
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At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
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why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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