just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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