Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
