Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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