the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
