New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
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