Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
