He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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