i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
