Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
