If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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