so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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