i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
