I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
