Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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