I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
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