he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
