Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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