Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
