How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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