Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
why is half of my head shaved?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
