it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
