$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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