Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
