Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
