Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
