Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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