I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize