im drinking this country out of the recession.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
