Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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