cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Holy sore nipples Batman
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
