So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Randomize
