I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
