Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
