Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We need to get me chipped asap
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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