I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
