I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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