I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
