turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
